In what can only be described as a bizarre coincidence, a second car full of imbeciles went over Dumbass Cliff yesterday, plunging more than 200 feet into the ocean below. Like last week, the imbeciles were riding in a 1990 Ford Escort, which was modified to look as ridiculous as possible. Also, just like last week, the driver careened over the cliff, apparently ignoring all signs indicating that the road was about to end.
"It was a freak accident," said Fuking Beach Sheriff's Deputy Duncan Donutz, "A bunch of freaks killed in an accident!"
Deputy Donutz said all four imbeciles were probably drowned. According to the victims' relatives, who asked not to be identified because the imbeciles were so notoriously obnoxious, none of the victims knew how to swim.
"They loved the ocean," said one relative, identified as Jane D. "But only to the extent they could cruise the main beach strip, ogling at girls in bikinis. When it came to swimming, they didn't have a clue."
According to Deputy Donutz, the victims' lives might have been spared if they had been able to tread water until rescuers arrived. Apparently, a rescue boat was on the scene within two minutes.
"They coulda dog paddled and still been alive today," he said. "I guess a dog has more sense then they did."
This morning, a memorial service was scheduled for the victims but was cancelled due to lack of interest.
"About the only friends they had were the other four imbeciles who went over the cliff last week. But they're still in the hospital on life support," said Deputy Donutz.
"Actually," said Jane D., "it's a big relief. Those boys were so annoying. The neighbors were constantly threatening to burn my house down every time they came around."
In memory of the duel crashes, Fuking Beach has organized a special service for this weekend. The event has tentatively been titled "The Big Fun Festival Carnival and Celebration" but organizers are considering toning down the celebratory implications out of respect for the victims.
"We don't want to seem like we're gloating that these clods are finally out of our hair for good," said Byrum N. Koke, the event chairman. "So we're going to keep the parade down to under 100 floats. Of course, we'll still have plenty of clowns, acrobats, and rides. It will be a good opportunity for people to get together and grieve."
"It was a freak accident," said Fuking Beach Sheriff's Deputy Duncan Donutz, "A bunch of freaks killed in an accident!"
Deputy Donutz said all four imbeciles were probably drowned. According to the victims' relatives, who asked not to be identified because the imbeciles were so notoriously obnoxious, none of the victims knew how to swim.
"They loved the ocean," said one relative, identified as Jane D. "But only to the extent they could cruise the main beach strip, ogling at girls in bikinis. When it came to swimming, they didn't have a clue."
According to Deputy Donutz, the victims' lives might have been spared if they had been able to tread water until rescuers arrived. Apparently, a rescue boat was on the scene within two minutes.
"They coulda dog paddled and still been alive today," he said. "I guess a dog has more sense then they did."
This morning, a memorial service was scheduled for the victims but was cancelled due to lack of interest.
"About the only friends they had were the other four imbeciles who went over the cliff last week. But they're still in the hospital on life support," said Deputy Donutz.
"Actually," said Jane D., "it's a big relief. Those boys were so annoying. The neighbors were constantly threatening to burn my house down every time they came around."
In memory of the duel crashes, Fuking Beach has organized a special service for this weekend. The event has tentatively been titled "The Big Fun Festival Carnival and Celebration" but organizers are considering toning down the celebratory implications out of respect for the victims.
"We don't want to seem like we're gloating that these clods are finally out of our hair for good," said Byrum N. Koke, the event chairman. "So we're going to keep the parade down to under 100 floats. Of course, we'll still have plenty of clowns, acrobats, and rides. It will be a good opportunity for people to get together and grieve."
No comments:
Post a Comment