As the final moments ticked away in the lives of four drowning imbeciles, some witnesses to the incident allegedly held their guts in uproarious laughter, say sources close to the investigation. According to a photograph supposedly taken aboard a nearby boating party as the imbeciles' car was slowly sinking into the ocean, the four imbeciles can be seen screaming like little babies while a witness on shore is nearly doubled over in hysterical laughter.
Last week, the four imbeciles met their untimely deaths when their car careened over Dumass Cliff after crashing through a roadblock at the end of Geronimo Road. According to Fuking Beach Police, the driver apparently ignored a "Road Ends: Danger" sign which was designed to discourage drivers from going any further. Police speculate the imbeciles may have been misled by a hoax sign which read: "Pretty Girl Straight Ahead."
As police gathered more and more witness reports, it became abundantly clear that the imbeciles, who were universally disliked for their loud music and juvenile behavior, did not die dignified deaths. Instead, witnesses report they screamed and cried like little babies, calling out for their "mommies" instead of gathering up the courage to try and save their own lives. Yesterday, police conducted additional interviews which, according to sources, indicate that some witnesses may have nearly died of laughter as the imbeciles slowly sank to the ocean floor.
"We have some unconfirmed reports as well as the photograph," said Deputy Duncan Donutz, the lead investigator on the case. "The picture don't lie. It shows a guy about to bust a gut watching them boys scream bloody murder."
Some photographic experts disagree, saying the photo shows a clearly distressed and confused man witnessing a tragedy that's unfolding in front of him.
"People can have different facial expressions," said Noah Tall, a forensic photographic expert retained by Imbecile Magazine. "I believe the man was so distressed that his fear turned into temporary madness. You know, like one of those mad scientists who is so filled with evil that he appears to be laughing. It's not like there's anything funny. They've just gone completely nuts."
"That dude is having a big old chuckle watching them boys sink," countered Deputy Donutz. "I don't care what the high falooting experts says."
Deputy Donutz says his interpretation of the events is further bolstered by a police videotape made when the imbeciles' bodies were pulled out of the water.
"There was a big crowd gathered around them on the beach, and you can clearly hear some definite snickerin' in the background. You now, 'hee hee hee' and 'ha ha ha' and stuff like that."
Deputy Donutz acknowledges that many of those who were laughing may have simply been relieved to be free of the imbeciles once and for all. Police say numerous reports were filed accusing the imbeciles of disturbing residents by cruising the streets, blasting their loud rap and hip-hop music.
"They were horrible," said one resident who filed more than a dozen complaints. "They would taunt every female their saw, regardless of age. They blasted their music out of that ugly car 24 hours a day. Frankly, good riddance to bad rubbish."
Police say funeral services for the imbeciles have not been scheduled. As of press time, no one had come to claim the bodies.
"I guess their relatives are too embarrassed," said Deputy Donutz. "I don't blame them. Them boys were a bunch of jerks."
Last week, the four imbeciles met their untimely deaths when their car careened over Dumass Cliff after crashing through a roadblock at the end of Geronimo Road. According to Fuking Beach Police, the driver apparently ignored a "Road Ends: Danger" sign which was designed to discourage drivers from going any further. Police speculate the imbeciles may have been misled by a hoax sign which read: "Pretty Girl Straight Ahead."
As police gathered more and more witness reports, it became abundantly clear that the imbeciles, who were universally disliked for their loud music and juvenile behavior, did not die dignified deaths. Instead, witnesses report they screamed and cried like little babies, calling out for their "mommies" instead of gathering up the courage to try and save their own lives. Yesterday, police conducted additional interviews which, according to sources, indicate that some witnesses may have nearly died of laughter as the imbeciles slowly sank to the ocean floor.
"We have some unconfirmed reports as well as the photograph," said Deputy Duncan Donutz, the lead investigator on the case. "The picture don't lie. It shows a guy about to bust a gut watching them boys scream bloody murder."
Some photographic experts disagree, saying the photo shows a clearly distressed and confused man witnessing a tragedy that's unfolding in front of him.
"People can have different facial expressions," said Noah Tall, a forensic photographic expert retained by Imbecile Magazine. "I believe the man was so distressed that his fear turned into temporary madness. You know, like one of those mad scientists who is so filled with evil that he appears to be laughing. It's not like there's anything funny. They've just gone completely nuts."
"That dude is having a big old chuckle watching them boys sink," countered Deputy Donutz. "I don't care what the high falooting experts says."
Deputy Donutz says his interpretation of the events is further bolstered by a police videotape made when the imbeciles' bodies were pulled out of the water.
"There was a big crowd gathered around them on the beach, and you can clearly hear some definite snickerin' in the background. You now, 'hee hee hee' and 'ha ha ha' and stuff like that."
Deputy Donutz acknowledges that many of those who were laughing may have simply been relieved to be free of the imbeciles once and for all. Police say numerous reports were filed accusing the imbeciles of disturbing residents by cruising the streets, blasting their loud rap and hip-hop music.
"They were horrible," said one resident who filed more than a dozen complaints. "They would taunt every female their saw, regardless of age. They blasted their music out of that ugly car 24 hours a day. Frankly, good riddance to bad rubbish."
Police say funeral services for the imbeciles have not been scheduled. As of press time, no one had come to claim the bodies.
"I guess their relatives are too embarrassed," said Deputy Donutz. "I don't blame them. Them boys were a bunch of jerks."
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