Democratic VP nominee Senator Joe
Biden was ejected from the hospital yesterday, after officials discovered his condition was not covered under his HMO.
Biden was initially hospitalized last week after suffering severe follicle damage as a result of a brutal hair mussing from his opponent, Alaska Governor Sarah Palin. Several days later, Palin burst into Biden's hospital room and removed all of Biden's hair, reversing several years of hair reconstructive surgery.
Yesterday, Biden's troubles further increased when hospital officials announced that his condition was not covered under his health care plan. In a symbolic move, the hospital recruited Biden's opponent, Sarah Palin, to do the honors of kicking Biden out of his hospital bed, disconnecting his IV and unplugging his monitors.
News of Biden's ejection reverberated around both the Republican and Democratic camps, with Republicans anxious to exploit the news to illustrate the failings of universal health care.
"Joe Biden and his ilk are getting a bird's eye view of the failings of socialized medicine," said Herman Hardass, President of the National Organization of Costs that are Astronomically Rising to Eternity (NOCARE). "If the Democrats keep pushing this universal health care agenda, you can kiss all your favorite cosmetic procedures goodbye! No more hair plugs, boob jobs, penile implants -- forget about it."
Democrats, anxious to maintain their support from Hollywood celebrities, deny that universal health care will exclude their base's favorite cosmetic procedures.
"There are always exceptions," said Martin Lookinfour-Loophole, Barack Obama's Health Care Advisor. "If a doctor determines that the patient's mental health would be jeopardized without the procedure, it could be approved on mental health grounds. For instance, if a fifteen year old threatens to kill herself if she can't have her breasts enlarged, then a psychiatrist can step in and declare the procedure medically necessary."
"Poppycock." said Hardass. "That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. About the only procedure that would be covered under the democrat plan is having your head examined. Of course, you still have to show you voted for Obama. Ha ha!"
A spokesman for Biden said the Senator will be moving to a private hospital where his treatment will be paid for with campaign funds. Democratic fund raisers say they have a large surplus of cash, donated by the hard working American families who are just struggling to get by.
"The American people can rest assured that their hard earned dollars are going to a good cause," said Obama. "Americans don't want another cueball living in the Vice-President's house. We've had eight years of Vice Presidential baldness -- it's time for change."
Biden was ejected from the hospital yesterday, after officials discovered his condition was not covered under his HMO.
Biden was initially hospitalized last week after suffering severe follicle damage as a result of a brutal hair mussing from his opponent, Alaska Governor Sarah Palin. Several days later, Palin burst into Biden's hospital room and removed all of Biden's hair, reversing several years of hair reconstructive surgery.
Yesterday, Biden's troubles further increased when hospital officials announced that his condition was not covered under his health care plan. In a symbolic move, the hospital recruited Biden's opponent, Sarah Palin, to do the honors of kicking Biden out of his hospital bed, disconnecting his IV and unplugging his monitors.
News of Biden's ejection reverberated around both the Republican and Democratic camps, with Republicans anxious to exploit the news to illustrate the failings of universal health care.
"Joe Biden and his ilk are getting a bird's eye view of the failings of socialized medicine," said Herman Hardass, President of the National Organization of Costs that are Astronomically Rising to Eternity (NOCARE). "If the Democrats keep pushing this universal health care agenda, you can kiss all your favorite cosmetic procedures goodbye! No more hair plugs, boob jobs, penile implants -- forget about it."
Democrats, anxious to maintain their support from Hollywood celebrities, deny that universal health care will exclude their base's favorite cosmetic procedures.
"There are always exceptions," said Martin Lookinfour-Loophole, Barack Obama's Health Care Advisor. "If a doctor determines that the patient's mental health would be jeopardized without the procedure, it could be approved on mental health grounds. For instance, if a fifteen year old threatens to kill herself if she can't have her breasts enlarged, then a psychiatrist can step in and declare the procedure medically necessary."
"Poppycock." said Hardass. "That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. About the only procedure that would be covered under the democrat plan is having your head examined. Of course, you still have to show you voted for Obama. Ha ha!"
A spokesman for Biden said the Senator will be moving to a private hospital where his treatment will be paid for with campaign funds. Democratic fund raisers say they have a large surplus of cash, donated by the hard working American families who are just struggling to get by.
"The American people can rest assured that their hard earned dollars are going to a good cause," said Obama. "Americans don't want another cueball living in the Vice-President's house. We've had eight years of Vice Presidential baldness -- it's time for change."
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