Citing its new policy banning videos which incite violence, YouTube today refused to air the video of Alaska Governor Sarah Palin's "hair-raising" attack on Democratic VP Nominee and Delaware Senator Joe Biden.Earlier this week, Biden's opponent, Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, burst through a window in Biden's hospital room and began tearing out Biden's hair plugs, leaving the veteran legislator almost completely bald.
A video of the incident was made by a Democratic party staffer, who was in the process of helping Biden memorize famous quotes to use in his upcoming debate.
Sources say Palin has been on a rampage ever since Biden's running mate, Barack Obama, called her a "pig."
In the video, Palin can be seen painfully ripping out Biden's hair, as the Senator gasps in horror from his hospital bed. Biden's hair, which has been the subject of much controversy in the last 15 years, was almost completely ripped out, leaving the Senator with a head resembling a cue ball.
"Given the Senator's sudden hair loss, the focus of the campaign appears to have shifted in the GOP's favor," said Al Screwya Goode, a Republican strategist. "Governor Palin clearly has the superior follicle advantage over Senator Joseph Baldin, I mean Biden."
Reached at his hospital room, Biden fought back the tears as he spoke to reporters. "One of the nurses called me 'chrome dome' this morning. This is beyond humiliating! I wish I'd never accepted the nomination," said the Senator.
Last night, Democratic strategists were scrambling to restore Biden's locks before the upcoming Vice Presidential debate. This morning, they brought in a team of hair transplant specialists and agricultural experts to assess the situation.
"The outlook, at this point, is grim," said Hair Club CEO and transplant physician Dr. Q. Ball. "Even if we could start replanting today, we're looking at six months to a year before we see any real growth. Kinda like the economy. At best, the Senator is going to be appearing on camera with something resembling corn rows. In my professional opinion, that's not a good look for a veteran statesman."
One party official suggested that Biden don a toupee for the remainder of the campaign. However, this would prevent him from attending any outdoor public appearances.
"We can't take the chance that a gust of wind might blow away all our hopes for a shot at the White House," said Marvin Lefkowitz-Cheever-Hartley, a Senior Democratic advisor. "Can you imagine if Senator Biden were giving a speech and his hairpiece suddenly blew off? It would be worse than Michael Dukakis driving that damn tank."
According to one source, who asked not to be identified, Biden is considering withdrawing his name from contention. Possible replacements include late night talk show host Jay Leno, alleged war criminal Radovan Karadzic, and the comedian Carrot Top
"Of course, none of these contenders has been seriously vetted," said the source. "I'm sure they all have their own issues, especially Karadzic, who is an accused mass murderer. However, they all have great hair."
Though the video of the attack was leaked to several Internet sites yesterday, YouTube announced this morning that it was pulling the plug on the clip, concerned that it might encourage more campaign violence. Republicans were immediately outraged, citing the fact that YouTube has aired Barack Obama videos, even the one where he referred to Palin as a "pig."
"Them's fightin' words, they is," said Clem Klediddlehopper, a GOP Delegate from Oz, Kansas. "That Obama feller called that girl a pig, and she got a right to do sumthin about it. That dang YouTube should run both sides of the story. Them people are worse than MSNBC."
YouTube refused to comment on its decision. However, sources at ABC say the clip will appear on "America's Most Violent Campaign Videos" to be hosted by Bob Saget in December.
Below: Exclusive clips from the banned video: Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow!
No comments:
Post a Comment