McCain Accepts Nomination; Calls For Change

In a surprise move, John McCain accepted the Republican Nomination for President of the United States, ending years of speculation about his future political plans and the future of the Republican Party.

Last night, Senator McCain went to the podium and made the announcement, which understandably brought cheers from audience members, many of whom were on the edge of their seats -- wondering what McCain would do.

"John McCain made the right decision," said Clem Clediddlehopper, a Republican delegate from Hookares, Iowa. "He's our man."

McCain also surprised the crowd when he called for "change in America," promising supporters that "change is coming." The "change" theme has been a favorite of his opponent, Barack Obama, who has held himself out to be the "great changer."

"That was a shock," said Clediddlehopper. "We thought Senator McCain was campaigning for the status quo. We had no idea that a maverick like McCain, who has spent his entire life battling lobbyists, special interests groups, wasteful government spending, Washington insiders, and corrupt politicians would have any interest in changing anything about Washington. We had no idea that the only Republican Senator who constantly rattled both parties would be in favor of anything but 'business as usual.' I'm floored."

Asked about McCain's apparent shift in policy, Democratic Nominee Barack Obama called McCain a "copycat."

"Senator McCain has seen how successful this change BS has gotten me and he's just jealous," said Obama. "He should come up with his own gimmick for fooling...I mean...appealing to the American people."

Obama's wife, Michele, was also critical of McCain's apparent shift in gimmickry.

"The next thing you know, Cindy McCain is going to start bad mouthing America and acting unpatriotic," said Michele Obama. "Geez, don't these people have any original ideas?"

Obama also mentioned that his unique choice of a running mate casts him as the real "changer."

"I don't know much about foreign affairs. I'm a consensus builder and generally nice guy. To balance that out, I chose a real hardass with lots of foreign policy experience. Sort of the good cop/bad cop approach. That's never been done, right? That's real change!"

"Yes it is," responded current Vice President Dick Cheney. "Yessireeebob!"

Though McCain's acceptance speech was generally well received, he suffered several interruptions from protesters, one of whom represented the anti-war movement "Code Pink." McCain reacted to the disruption by dragging the protester onstage and strangling him.

"You see, my friends, this gentlemen says he comes from a group called 'Code Pink.' Looks to me like he comes from 'Code Blue.'"

"Mffffffffttttt," said the unidentified protester.