Biden in Good Spirits Despite Hair Mussing Incident

Democratic Vice Presidential Nominee and Deleware Senator Joe Biden remained in good spirits today, despite a nasty run-in with his opponant, Governor Sarah Palin.

During a confrontation between both the Obama and McCain campaigns, Governor Palin charged Biden and mussed his hair, sending the veteran senator running off in embarassment and pain.

Immediately after the incident, Biden was rushed to a facility run by the Hair Club for Men, where he was treated for severe follicle trauma. Sources also say Palin smeared Biden's spray-on tan, causing the Senator to exhibit signs of uneven facial coloration.

"As you know, Senator Biden has struggled with his hair for years," said Dr. Frank Lee Baldin, chief surgeon at the Hair Club.

Dr. Baldin refused to comment on whether the Senator has had hair plugs inserted into his scalp. Comparisons with earlier photographs seem to show that Biden was exhibiting a "hair helmet" back in the 1980's which is actually somewhat thicker today. An expert retained by Imbecile Magazine alleges that Biden was either the recipient of a hair transplant or has undergone a hair weave or some other creepy procedure.

Reached at his hospital bed, Biden spoke with reporters using borrowed quotes.

"It's only a flesh wound," Biden said, referring to his injury. "I will survive. What is sickness to the body of a knight errant? What matter wounds?"

Biden was also asked if his confrontation with Republican VP nominee Sarah Palin was a sign that tensions between the two have already turned bitter.

"I have not yet begun to fight," he responded. "Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee! That's what I always say."

Doctors say Biden may be released from the Hair Club in several days, depending on the degree of follicle damage. Despite that, he remained in good spirits and says he is anxious to start campaigning.

"The only thing required for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing."

Palin alleges she went after Biden when an Obama staffer accused the Republican campaign of spreading lies. Instead of expressing remorse following the attack, she threatened to pull out "every little hair from that giant tanned head" if Biden's staffers dare to repeat their accusations.

Biden refused to comment on Palin specifically, stating he is simply thankful he emerged from the fight without suffering more physical harm.

"Whether or not what we experienced was an According to Hoyle miracle is insignificant," he said. "What is significant is that I felt the touch of God. God got involved."