Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Biden Unplugged! VP Nominee Tears Out Opponent's Hair


In her second attack in as many days, Alaska Governor and GOP VP nominee Sarah Palin continued to yank more hair out of Senator and Democratic VP nominee Joe Biden's orange head, leaving the veteran legislator almost completely bald.

Biden had been hospitalized earlier last week following a vicious hair mussing incident, during which Governor Palin rearranged his folicles, causing severe damage.

This morning, Biden's hair was listed in serious but stable condition until Palin opened his hospital room window and grabbed what was left of Biden's controversial mane.

"She was grabbing everything she could reach," said the Delaware Senator.

Doctors attempted to replant hair from other parts of Biden's body but were unable to find any surplus hair with which to work.

"Apparently, Senator Biden previously harvested nearly every spare hair on his body," said Dr. Frank Lee Baldin, a physician for the Hair Club for Men. "Additionally, he's been waxing other parts. Perhaps when those areas grow back we can make another attempt."

Reached in her Alaska home, Governor Palin expressed no regrets about her behavior.

"I'm a hockey mom and we don't take any crap off anyone," said Palin. "You want to know the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull? Lipstick!"

Palin says she's looking forward to debating Biden, or "Baldy" as she now refers to him.

"Let's see who dares talk about my hair now," she said. "People are going to think I'm debating James Carville. Senator Cueball doesn't stand a chance against these perfectly highlighted locks."

No comments: