Following last week's violent attack by Alaska Governor and GOP VP Nominee Sarah Palin, Democratic VP Nominee Joe Biden is considering retiring from politics. The veteran senator made the announcement last night from his hospital bed, where he is recovering after what doctors have diagnosed as terminal baldness.
"Good grief," said Biden. "Nothing is working out."
Biden, whose hair has been the subject of much controversy in the last 15 years, confessed to reporters that the task of trying to hold on to his youthful appearance is becoming a full time job. Approximately 10 years ago, Biden allegedly received a series of hair plugs to compensate for his rapidly receding hairline. In addition, Biden visits tanning salons on a regular basis to ensure that his head consistently resembles a Florida orange.
Last week, all of Biden's hair plugs were viciously yanked out by Alaska Governor and GOP VP Nominee Sarah Palin (aka Lucy). Gov. Palin burst into Biden's hospital room and ripped out the plugs in retaliation for Biden's running mate, Barack Obama (aka Franklin), comparing her to Pigpen.
"I'm a hockey mom," said Palin. "You want to know the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull? Lipstick."
Today, Biden adopted a more philosophical tone, questioning why Christmas has become so commercialized and reminiscing over his one true love, the little red-haired girl.
"Politics is like trying to kick a football and the holder always moves the ball at the last second," said Biden. "It's frustrating."
Biden speculated that if he leaves politics, he'll devote more time to flying his kite and improving his Halloween costume.
"Every time I try to fly that thing, it gets eaten by that kite-eating tree. I used to think that the tree was planted by Republicans. I also used to think I was trick or treating in an all-GOP neighborhood, since all I ever got was a bag full of rocks. Rats!"
"Good grief," said Biden. "Nothing is working out."
Biden, whose hair has been the subject of much controversy in the last 15 years, confessed to reporters that the task of trying to hold on to his youthful appearance is becoming a full time job. Approximately 10 years ago, Biden allegedly received a series of hair plugs to compensate for his rapidly receding hairline. In addition, Biden visits tanning salons on a regular basis to ensure that his head consistently resembles a Florida orange.
Last week, all of Biden's hair plugs were viciously yanked out by Alaska Governor and GOP VP Nominee Sarah Palin (aka Lucy). Gov. Palin burst into Biden's hospital room and ripped out the plugs in retaliation for Biden's running mate, Barack Obama (aka Franklin), comparing her to Pigpen.
"I'm a hockey mom," said Palin. "You want to know the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull? Lipstick."
Today, Biden adopted a more philosophical tone, questioning why Christmas has become so commercialized and reminiscing over his one true love, the little red-haired girl.
"Politics is like trying to kick a football and the holder always moves the ball at the last second," said Biden. "It's frustrating."
Biden speculated that if he leaves politics, he'll devote more time to flying his kite and improving his Halloween costume.
"Every time I try to fly that thing, it gets eaten by that kite-eating tree. I used to think that the tree was planted by Republicans. I also used to think I was trick or treating in an all-GOP neighborhood, since all I ever got was a bag full of rocks. Rats!"
No comments:
Post a Comment