We simply can't believe it ourselves! An exclusive interview with former KISS frontman Gene Simmons! Needless to say, this is a big coup for Imbecile Magazine so we put our top correspondent on the job -- Reid Ard.
R.A.: Welcome to Imbecile Magazine, Mr. Simmons. And thanks for being here. It's really an honor to have you.
G.S.: (on the phone) Tell em those numbers suck. If he doesn't like it, he can go elsewhere. I'm a businessman, not some f***** idiot. (To R.A.) What did you say?
R.A.: I said welcome to Imbecile Magazine. It's an honor to have you here.
G.S.: Is that a question? Why don't you ask me a question and skip the Bulls**t.
R.A.: Ok....So....you used to be in KISS right?
G.S.: What? Are you kidding me? No...I was in the Beatles. I'm Paul F***** McCartney. Want to hear me sing Yesterday?
R.A.: Ha ha. That's a good one. You got me there. Uh....how did you get started in the rock business?
G.S.: Hey, I thought I was here to promote my book. What happened to those questions.
R.A.: Yeah, right. So....you've written a book, is that correct?
G.S.: Are you retarded? Did I not just say that I was here to promote my book? And you next question is: "Have you written a book?" What kind of an imbecile are you?
R.A.: Well, it was supposed to be a seq...a seq...that thing you do when you want to go from one thought to another.
G.S.: It's called "using your brain." If you had one, you might understand that.
R.A.: Ok. (pause) It says here that you wrote a book -- can you tell us about it?
G.S.: Sure, I can tell you about it.
R.A.: (pause) Ok...what is the book about?
G.S.: Did you not read it?
R.A.: Uh. No. Was I supposed to?
G.S.: Listen Einstein. Usually when someone comes on to be interviewed about his new book, the interviewer at least makes an attempt to read the book. Do you even know the title of my book?
R.A.: Uh...I think it starts with...something about...rock and roll?
G.S.: No. You're not even close.
R.A.: Ok...then what's the title of your book?
G.S.: It's called F***** Cheerleader Sandwich. It's the story of a young cheerleader who gets led astray by some football players who suffer from too much testosterone. The football players decide to kidnap her and give her an extended lesson in the various techniques of human sexuality.
R.A.: So how does it end?
G.S.: Jesus...it ends with the football players taking the cheerleader into the locker room, grabbing a set of handcuffs and...
R.A.: Uh...excuse me, someone is trying to tell me something.
G.S.: (long pause) This ought to be enlightening.
R.A.: Mr. Simmons, thanks for being with us. Your new book is called Cheerleader Sandwich and it's .... is it out in any stores yet?
G.S.: Yes -- look for it at Trader Joe's -- next to the vine ripened tomatoes.
R.A.: Ok. Thanks. It's really been an honor having you here. Gene Simmons is the former frontman for the rock group KISS. Since KISS disbanded, Mr. Simmons has been involved in a number of projects, including a reality TV show, a book, and ....
G.S.: (on the phone) Yeah...oh that noise?...that's just some idiot who was trying to interview me. I'm gonna take a piss in their restroom and get back in the limo. What time was the meeting? Maybe I can grab something to eat before then?
Yes, Reid's attempt to delve inside the complicated mind of Rock and Roll Legend Gene Simmons fell a little short. However, Imbecile Magazine managed to get a second shot at the KISS superstar. Check back tomorrow for Part II of our exclusive interview with Gene Simmons!
R.A.: Welcome to Imbecile Magazine, Mr. Simmons. And thanks for being here. It's really an honor to have you.
G.S.: (on the phone) Tell em those numbers suck. If he doesn't like it, he can go elsewhere. I'm a businessman, not some f***** idiot. (To R.A.) What did you say?
R.A.: I said welcome to Imbecile Magazine. It's an honor to have you here.
G.S.: Is that a question? Why don't you ask me a question and skip the Bulls**t.
R.A.: Ok....So....you used to be in KISS right?
G.S.: What? Are you kidding me? No...I was in the Beatles. I'm Paul F***** McCartney. Want to hear me sing Yesterday?
R.A.: Ha ha. That's a good one. You got me there. Uh....how did you get started in the rock business?
G.S.: Hey, I thought I was here to promote my book. What happened to those questions.
R.A.: Yeah, right. So....you've written a book, is that correct?
G.S.: Are you retarded? Did I not just say that I was here to promote my book? And you next question is: "Have you written a book?" What kind of an imbecile are you?
R.A.: Well, it was supposed to be a seq...a seq...that thing you do when you want to go from one thought to another.
G.S.: It's called "using your brain." If you had one, you might understand that.
R.A.: Ok. (pause) It says here that you wrote a book -- can you tell us about it?
G.S.: Sure, I can tell you about it.
R.A.: (pause) Ok...what is the book about?
G.S.: Did you not read it?
R.A.: Uh. No. Was I supposed to?
G.S.: Listen Einstein. Usually when someone comes on to be interviewed about his new book, the interviewer at least makes an attempt to read the book. Do you even know the title of my book?
R.A.: Uh...I think it starts with...something about...rock and roll?
G.S.: No. You're not even close.
R.A.: Ok...then what's the title of your book?
G.S.: It's called F***** Cheerleader Sandwich. It's the story of a young cheerleader who gets led astray by some football players who suffer from too much testosterone. The football players decide to kidnap her and give her an extended lesson in the various techniques of human sexuality.
R.A.: So how does it end?
G.S.: Jesus...it ends with the football players taking the cheerleader into the locker room, grabbing a set of handcuffs and...
R.A.: Uh...excuse me, someone is trying to tell me something.
G.S.: (long pause) This ought to be enlightening.
R.A.: Mr. Simmons, thanks for being with us. Your new book is called Cheerleader Sandwich and it's .... is it out in any stores yet?
G.S.: Yes -- look for it at Trader Joe's -- next to the vine ripened tomatoes.
R.A.: Ok. Thanks. It's really been an honor having you here. Gene Simmons is the former frontman for the rock group KISS. Since KISS disbanded, Mr. Simmons has been involved in a number of projects, including a reality TV show, a book, and ....
G.S.: (on the phone) Yeah...oh that noise?...that's just some idiot who was trying to interview me. I'm gonna take a piss in their restroom and get back in the limo. What time was the meeting? Maybe I can grab something to eat before then?
Yes, Reid's attempt to delve inside the complicated mind of Rock and Roll Legend Gene Simmons fell a little short. However, Imbecile Magazine managed to get a second shot at the KISS superstar. Check back tomorrow for Part II of our exclusive interview with Gene Simmons!
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