Well, apparently not everyone liked our 1st Annual Swimsuit issue. Unbelievable as it may seem, there are some who just don't appreciate photo shoots of honeys in teeny weeny bikinis -- especially when accompanied by gratuitous, lascivious comments.
At any rate, we thought we'd publish a few of the millions of letters we received from the angry, bitter, fema-Nazis who make it their life's work to spew their anti-male bile every time they see someone from the opposite sex having a good time. Of course, we at Imbecile Magazine must remain objective, so we won't comment on the frustrated, frigid, bored-out-of-their-minds housewives who stuffed our mailboxes with their overplayed, repetitive drivel.
At any rate, we thought we'd publish a few of the millions of letters we received from the angry, bitter, fema-Nazis who make it their life's work to spew their anti-male bile every time they see someone from the opposite sex having a good time. Of course, we at Imbecile Magazine must remain objective, so we won't comment on the frustrated, frigid, bored-out-of-their-minds housewives who stuffed our mailboxes with their overplayed, repetitive drivel.
Dear Imbecile Magazine,
Let me congratulate you on a new low. I guess it wasn't enough for you to constantly regurgitate sexist, male chauvinist garbage five days a week. You had to highlight your disgust toward women by displaying their nearly nude bodies across the pages of your filthy rag. Let me remind you that women were not put on this earth for your sexual gratification, you perverted little slime ball. Your disgusting!
Helen Wheels
The Angry Feminist
Minneapolis, MN.
Helen Wheels
The Angry Feminist
Minneapolis, MN.
Dear Helen,
Thank you very much for your letter. Though some of what you say deserves attention, I must point out that, in your letter, you used the phrase: "Your disgusting." I think you meant to say, "you're disgusting." This spelling and grammatical error reflects badly on your position and your ability to communicate. Therefore, we at Imbecile Magazine have no choice but to ignore everything you have to say.
Huge G. Rection
Imbecile Magazine Publisher
Thank you very much for your letter. Though some of what you say deserves attention, I must point out that, in your letter, you used the phrase: "Your disgusting." I think you meant to say, "you're disgusting." This spelling and grammatical error reflects badly on your position and your ability to communicate. Therefore, we at Imbecile Magazine have no choice but to ignore everything you have to say.
Huge G. Rection
Imbecile Magazine Publisher
Dear Imbecile Magazine,
My husband just brought home your swimsuit issue. What a pile of s**t! You people need to get a life. Drooling over bimbos and skanks is hardly a worthwhile way to spend your time. I hope I never see another issue of Imbecile Magazine as long as I live. And if I do see another issue lying around the house, I'm going to burn it!
Doris Jones
Columbus, OH
Dear Doris,
First of all, let me point out that your use of "lying" instead of "laying" is incorrect. Also, what kind of name is Doris? It sounds like a bitter old lady whose husband won't sleep with her. Hey Doris -- you bore us! Hey Doris -- your breath smells so bad, you should gargle with Lavoris! Ha ha ha ha.
Harry Wang
Imbecile Editor-in-Chief
First of all, let me point out that your use of "lying" instead of "laying" is incorrect. Also, what kind of name is Doris? It sounds like a bitter old lady whose husband won't sleep with her. Hey Doris -- you bore us! Hey Doris -- your breath smells so bad, you should gargle with Lavoris! Ha ha ha ha.
Harry Wang
Imbecile Editor-in-Chief
Dear Imbecile Magazine,
Your swimsuit issue affirmed every misgiving I had about your stupid magazine. Instead of striving to be innovative and ground-breaking, you reverted to the lowest common denominator in order to sell more issues. Shame on you, Imbecile Magazine, for a job poorly done. Besides, your models are nothing more than airheads and whores!
Betty Duzzer
Albany, NY
Your swimsuit issue affirmed every misgiving I had about your stupid magazine. Instead of striving to be innovative and ground-breaking, you reverted to the lowest common denominator in order to sell more issues. Shame on you, Imbecile Magazine, for a job poorly done. Besides, your models are nothing more than airheads and whores!
Betty Duzzer
Albany, NY
Dear Betty,
Your just jealous.
Phil McCracken
Imbecile Managing Editor
[Above: Catfight between frigid, ugly, bored housewife with outdated beehive hair-do and old granny swimsuit coverup -- and one of our hot models, dressed in a sizzling purple thong bikini.]
Your just jealous.
Phil McCracken
Imbecile Managing Editor
[Above: Catfight between frigid, ugly, bored housewife with outdated beehive hair-do and old granny swimsuit coverup -- and one of our hot models, dressed in a sizzling purple thong bikini.]
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