Already, at least one airline is beginning to charge its customers an extra fee for checking their first piece of luggage. While, in theory, this may sound like a good revenue generating idea, I can tell you in two words -- it sucks. Don't the dolts who run these multi billion corporations know what will happen? I mean, are they so shielded in First Class that they never look back to see how the peasants are suffering and killing each other in Coach?
Even in the good old days when checking a bag was included in the price of a ticket, people were still carrying these humongous pieces of luggage onto the plane and trying to stuff them in the overhead bin. You've seen them. They're the ones with this giant suitcase on wheels that is attached to yet another suitcase which is supposed to be their "personal item." Yeah, right! And then there are the clowns with the gargantuan backpacks as if they are going to jump off the plane and head up into the Alps for six months. Of course, these people always fly standby and are the last to board, so when they finally get on the aircraft there's this huge disruption as everyone scrambles to find a way to help them.
In cases where a bag simply does not fit, it's always fun to stand there and watch the idiot passenger looking helpless while the flight attendants rush to figure out a solution. Everyone has to freeze in their tracks while one person holds up the entire plane. Nice!
I, for one, always jump to the head of the line to board every flight I take specifically for the purpose of nabbing some overhead bin space for my reasonably sized carry-on. Of course, as I've stated before, I must wait for all the people in First Class and Business Class to board first. Then, I have to wait for the Elite Card Holders, V.I.P. Card Holders, Platinum and Golden Frequent Flyer Card Holders, and every other bloody card holder whose card is supposed to be made out a precious metal but in truth is made out of plastic like all the others -- they all get to board before me. Finally, after all these other lucky people have boarded, and no doubt used up 99% of the overhead bin space, I then get to stand there while the gate attendant watches me chomping at the bit before she s-l-o-w-l-y picks up the microphone to announce that rows 20-32 may board. Of course, I'm seated in row 19!
Anyway, you get my point. Lots of people don't like to check their bags even if it doesn't cost anything -- even if they are the type that brings all their earthly belongings with them on every flight. You can only imagine what's going to happen when the cheapskates (me included) are confronted with the possibility of having to pay for a checked piece of luggage. You're going to see people bringing aboard huge pieces of luggage which not only will suck up all the overhead bin space but will create all kinds of havoc at the security gate. People will be arguing that the bag will fit and the security guard (who is always eating some horrible type of fast food while reading the x-rays) is going to give them a hard time but eventually let them pass because, hey, it's not his problem. Let the airlines deal with Mr-Giant-Suitcase-Guy! Damn, these chicken nuggets are good!
And I'm not even talking about safety. Suddenly, all the storage area underneath will be completely empty while the overhead bins are stuffed beyond capacity. The dogs and cats and ferrets and exotic birds will have plenty of room to roam around and we'll be top heavy with luggage crammed into every nook and cranny. So, does charging for baggage make sense. NO IT DOES NOT!
Your humble editor.
Response from other side:
I have no problem with the airlines charging for luggage. It won't affect me because I carry on ALL my luggage no matter how large it is. Sometimes I bring on a piece of luggage that won't fit in the overhead bin but the flight attendant usually helps me cram it in there. In fact, it's quite a show! People are so fascinated with watching this ritual that they line up in the aisle to watch. They seem really relieved when the luggage is finally jammed up in there. I also always carry a giant backpack. That's my "personal item." It's also very hard to fit that in the overhead bin but we manage to get it up there, usually after five or ten minutes of adjustment. Again, the other passengers just stand there behind me and watch in amazement. They are simply transfixed. Sometimes I even bring my skis. Talk about a real show! It's a doozy.
Later, some of the passengers are still shaking from all the previous excitement. Sometimes, they get so excited that they can't hold their hot coffee and accidentally spill it all over me as they walk by. Other times, they accidentally stomp on my foot on their way to the restroom or involuntarily grab my Tom Clancy book and hurl it across the plane. They're just so wound up! It's crazy!
Even though I carry lots of luggage, I am still somewhat overweight at 350 pounds. But that's not really a problem because I always fly standby and seem to get assigned to the middle seat every time. This way, my giant abdomen doesn't protrude into the aisle or rub against the plane. Instead, my body snuggles up to my fellow passengers on both sides and they usually move away to give me room.
When I fly long distances, I also like to take my shoes off and relax. It's really nice to air out your feet when you're running around airports lugging all that carry-on luggage. When you're a great big guy like me, you sweat a lot and your feet really need to breathe.
But I've gotten off the subject. To conclude, I totally favor the airlines' policy of charging to check your luggage. Heck, it won't affect me! I never check anything in the first place.
Mr. Hugh Jack Kass
[Pictured above: Mr. H.J. Kass boarding Insult Air Flight 013 from Washington to Bejing (non-stop)]
No comments:
Post a Comment