By Morrie Dundant, IMBECILE Financial News Correspondent.
If you had ever read a newspaper (and you haven't), you'd know that times are tough --economically speaking. Big companies are laying off employees and unskilled labor is hard to come by. Gone are the days when you could spend all day standing in front of a construction site, stoned on pot and holding a traffic flag for ten dollars an hour. In these tough times, jobs are scarce and competition is greater than ever.
Unfortunately, many companies still require a high school and even a college education just to get an interview. With that in mind, you need to think about an alternative. However, you're in luck! There is at least one industry that is still waiving the education requirement -- fast food!
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Here are ten tips to help you land your dream job in the fast food business:
10. Show up to apply.
Many candidates think that companies will come to them. This might be true if you had gone to college or even graduate school -- but we all know the answer to that question. In this day and age, you have to physically go to the restaurant and ask for an application. No one is going to do it for you. Except maybe, your mother.
9. Fill out the application correctly.
Lots of applications contain blank spaces for personal data, such as your name, address, and phone number. Remember to include this information. I know your friends will think it's funny if you write "nunna yo dam bidnezz" or "I be on the donotcall list" but most employers need to get in touch with you -- so this information is helpful to them.
8. Dress appropriately.
Believe it or not, having eight inches of your underwear sticking out is probably not a good thing on a job interview. Let me also suggest that you leave that giant clock at home instead of wearing it around your neck. Yes, I know Flavor Flav wears one and he's rich -- but you're not, so lose the timepiece!
7. Speak English.
Now, this is not directed at people who speak a foreign language. Obviously, those people are aware that some knowledge of English is usually a pre-requisite for working in the customer service industry. I'm talking about you! Please make sure that most of the words in your vocabulary are found in a dictionary. For instance, "Whazzup yo?" is not exactly the way you want to greet customers at the counter. Also, profanity is highly discouraged -- even when you drop that large milkshake all over your lime green Adidas.
6. Stop smoking the chronic.
I doubt you will follow this tip, but working while you are stoned out of your mind tends to decrease your productivity. Also, people don't like to be waited on by someone who thinks that every customer's order is hilarious.
5. Before your interview, memorize the operative terms.
This is going to be difficult because it's sort of a test. But you should be familiar with such terms as "hamburger" "french fries" and "milkshake." Take a week off and study if you need to!
4. If you are offered a job, show up on time.
Of course, this only applies to the first day. After that, I'm almost positive you'll be late every day assuming you ever show up at all.
3. Practice hygiene.
Congratulations! You finally figured out what that sign means. You know, the one that reads: "Employees must wash hands before returning to work"? It's a good idea to follow that advice. You don't want to be responsible for spreading some dreadful disease and making everyone, including thousands of customers, really, really sick. And no, that wouldn't be really, really funny. GEEZ!
2. Tell the manager that you want the job.
Occasionally, the interviewer (or manager) will ask you some personal questions. For instance, he/she may say, "Why do you want to work here?" or "Do you really want to work here?" Don't say "I dunno" or "I guess." Such responses reveal a lack of ambition and commitment. Yes, I realize you have no ambition, but could you at least try to fake it for 30-minutes?
1. If hired, immediately sign up for health insurance.
Chances are, with your background and lack of education, this is going to be the best job you ever had. Of course, you will probably get fired right away. Even if this happens, they have to extend your health insurance for a few weeks or even months following your separation. So, after you are thrown out on your ear for giving away double cheeseburgers to your homeboys, you will still be covered for a short period. Now, I expect that, after you are fired, you will probably do something really stupid while celebrating your freedom from "corporate America" and end up in the hospital with multiple lacerations and fractures. Health insurance will come in handy.
If you had ever read a newspaper (and you haven't), you'd know that times are tough --economically speaking. Big companies are laying off employees and unskilled labor is hard to come by. Gone are the days when you could spend all day standing in front of a construction site, stoned on pot and holding a traffic flag for ten dollars an hour. In these tough times, jobs are scarce and competition is greater than ever.
Unfortunately, many companies still require a high school and even a college education just to get an interview. With that in mind, you need to think about an alternative. However, you're in luck! There is at least one industry that is still waiving the education requirement -- fast food!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Here are ten tips to help you land your dream job in the fast food business:
10. Show up to apply.
Many candidates think that companies will come to them. This might be true if you had gone to college or even graduate school -- but we all know the answer to that question. In this day and age, you have to physically go to the restaurant and ask for an application. No one is going to do it for you. Except maybe, your mother.
9. Fill out the application correctly.
Lots of applications contain blank spaces for personal data, such as your name, address, and phone number. Remember to include this information. I know your friends will think it's funny if you write "nunna yo dam bidnezz" or "I be on the donotcall list" but most employers need to get in touch with you -- so this information is helpful to them.
8. Dress appropriately.
Believe it or not, having eight inches of your underwear sticking out is probably not a good thing on a job interview. Let me also suggest that you leave that giant clock at home instead of wearing it around your neck. Yes, I know Flavor Flav wears one and he's rich -- but you're not, so lose the timepiece!
7. Speak English.
Now, this is not directed at people who speak a foreign language. Obviously, those people are aware that some knowledge of English is usually a pre-requisite for working in the customer service industry. I'm talking about you! Please make sure that most of the words in your vocabulary are found in a dictionary. For instance, "Whazzup yo?" is not exactly the way you want to greet customers at the counter. Also, profanity is highly discouraged -- even when you drop that large milkshake all over your lime green Adidas.
6. Stop smoking the chronic.
I doubt you will follow this tip, but working while you are stoned out of your mind tends to decrease your productivity. Also, people don't like to be waited on by someone who thinks that every customer's order is hilarious.
5. Before your interview, memorize the operative terms.
This is going to be difficult because it's sort of a test. But you should be familiar with such terms as "hamburger" "french fries" and "milkshake." Take a week off and study if you need to!
4. If you are offered a job, show up on time.
Of course, this only applies to the first day. After that, I'm almost positive you'll be late every day assuming you ever show up at all.
3. Practice hygiene.
Congratulations! You finally figured out what that sign means. You know, the one that reads: "Employees must wash hands before returning to work"? It's a good idea to follow that advice. You don't want to be responsible for spreading some dreadful disease and making everyone, including thousands of customers, really, really sick. And no, that wouldn't be really, really funny. GEEZ!
2. Tell the manager that you want the job.
Occasionally, the interviewer (or manager) will ask you some personal questions. For instance, he/she may say, "Why do you want to work here?" or "Do you really want to work here?" Don't say "I dunno" or "I guess." Such responses reveal a lack of ambition and commitment. Yes, I realize you have no ambition, but could you at least try to fake it for 30-minutes?
1. If hired, immediately sign up for health insurance.
Chances are, with your background and lack of education, this is going to be the best job you ever had. Of course, you will probably get fired right away. Even if this happens, they have to extend your health insurance for a few weeks or even months following your separation. So, after you are thrown out on your ear for giving away double cheeseburgers to your homeboys, you will still be covered for a short period. Now, I expect that, after you are fired, you will probably do something really stupid while celebrating your freedom from "corporate America" and end up in the hospital with multiple lacerations and fractures. Health insurance will come in handy.
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Good luck!
Good luck!
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