Since when did the routine fender bender become a catastrophic event? Two cars collide, they trade a little paint -- maybe even some metal gets bent. Fine! Move off to the side of the road and exchange information! Hell, I don't care if you exchange blows or even gunfire. Just get off the freaking road! No one is interested in doing a full scale investigation of your little mishap. Move it!
Sometimes I get caught in traffic where virtually nothing moves. Finally, after a half hour of moving three feet at a time, I locate the source of the problem. Somebody's Mercedes got tagged by a 1998 Dodge Neon. Ok, fine. Move off to the side of the road, for God's sake! Do you think the police are going to send out an All Points Bulletin? Do you think some veteran investigator is going to show up, draw chalk lines around the two vehicles, take a hundred photos from a dozen angles, and then have both cars towed back to crime lab for forensic analysis? NO!!! Nobody cares about your little encounter. If a cop does show up, the first thing he's going to do is bonk both of your heads together and tell you to move your wreckage the hell off the road so the rest of us can get to work! Trust me, this is not going to be the lead story on the six o'clock news. CSI is not going to show up and crack the case. MOVE IT!!!
Sometimes I get caught in traffic where virtually nothing moves. Finally, after a half hour of moving three feet at a time, I locate the source of the problem. Somebody's Mercedes got tagged by a 1998 Dodge Neon. Ok, fine. Move off to the side of the road, for God's sake! Do you think the police are going to send out an All Points Bulletin? Do you think some veteran investigator is going to show up, draw chalk lines around the two vehicles, take a hundred photos from a dozen angles, and then have both cars towed back to crime lab for forensic analysis? NO!!! Nobody cares about your little encounter. If a cop does show up, the first thing he's going to do is bonk both of your heads together and tell you to move your wreckage the hell off the road so the rest of us can get to work! Trust me, this is not going to be the lead story on the six o'clock news. CSI is not going to show up and crack the case. MOVE IT!!!
The fact is, most of these accidents are so minor, the drivers spend the first ten minutes arguing about whether there's any real damage in the first place. Move off to the side of the road, you chuckleheads! Since when did you think every little dent and ding deserved so much attention? You're probably the type who takes up two parking spots because you're terrified that someone will open their car door and chip off two molecules of paint. Get over it! I swear to God, I ought to go through every parking lot and whack each new vehicle I see just to get you through the initial trauma of realizing that your precious ride isn't always going to be perfect. Hey, we live in a society. Things get bumped! God forbid it should happen to you. It will!!!
The other day, I took a bus back to D.C. from New York City. The bus hit a taxicab and took out a piece of of the guy's mirror. BFD! Move out of the way! The bus driver gave him the insurance information but the cabbie had to be a total jerk about it. In fact, he pulled his cab in front of the bus, blocking us and all the other traffic behind him. He wanted to wait for the police. "Sure, bud. We'll send a squad car right over! We'll just put off trying to figure out who executed four people up in the South Bronx last night. Oh -- and did I mention that the RR derailed and 20 people are trapped. I guess they can wait while we sort out who's responsible for that ding in your mirror."
Move off the freaking road!!!
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