Leave it to Insult Airlines™ to submit one of the more creative entries to this year's Earth Week contest. As you remember, we've posted three great ideas so far. Let's review:
MONDAY:
The "Tearer-In-Two-Er™" is today's energy conscious answer to the shredder. Instead of wasting costly electricity to shred paper into millions of little slivers, the "Tearer-In-Two-Er™" merely rips the paper in half just like we all do when we want to throw something away. Yes, the "Tearer-In-Two-Er™" doesn't completely foil trash thieves from piecing stuff together, but most crooks are two lazy to go to the trouble to match the two pieces. Hell, if they were hard workers, they wouldn't be criminals, right?
TUESDAY:
Top loader washers take a lot of energy. Front loading washers are more energy efficient. So it stands to reason that a bottom loader has got to be tops when it comes to saving those kilowatts. Just don't open the door in mid cycle!
WEDNESDAY:
With grocery stores denying customers the pleasure of polluting the environment with plastic bags, we'd thought we take away their paper bags as well. Of course, this leaves the shopper with only two alternatives: either bring your own bags to the grocery store or eat all your groceries on sight. Well, unless you are a total eco-nerd, you're not going to be caught dead bringing in some dirty, stained canvas bag to the grocery store. So Bon Appetit!
Which brings us to the fourth entry. Now, I knew Insult Air™ would have some thoughts on this contest. After all, they lead the world in cost cutting measures -- and this one is a real gem. As we all know, Insult Air™ has been tossing passengers out of the aircraft when the plane is overbooked. Of course, that resulted in two tragic deaths and two people covered in animal poo. (See entry dated May 30, 2008). I guess some genius in Research and Development put two and two together and discovered that, with a little tweaking, this is a great way to end all connecting flights. Take-offs and landings are costly as hell -- if you're going to L.A. from New York, there's no damn sense in stopping in Minneapolis to let all those goofball Minnesotans get off the plane. Toss them out with a parachute! They'll probably pay extra for the experience. Just tell them you'll beat them senseless if they don't return the parachute to the airport the following day. Believe me, they'll comply! The best thing about this idea is that we can now shut down all but the east and west coast airports. Going to Columbus, Ohio? Take the 7:30 from DCA to LAX and jump out after an hour. Heck, you can even call your ride on the airphone* to let him/her know you're about to bail.
*Additional charges may apply. (Actually, they WILL apply and they will be outrageous).
Bon voyage!!!!
MONDAY:
The "Tearer-In-Two-Er™" is today's energy conscious answer to the shredder. Instead of wasting costly electricity to shred paper into millions of little slivers, the "Tearer-In-Two-Er™" merely rips the paper in half just like we all do when we want to throw something away. Yes, the "Tearer-In-Two-Er™" doesn't completely foil trash thieves from piecing stuff together, but most crooks are two lazy to go to the trouble to match the two pieces. Hell, if they were hard workers, they wouldn't be criminals, right?
TUESDAY:
Top loader washers take a lot of energy. Front loading washers are more energy efficient. So it stands to reason that a bottom loader has got to be tops when it comes to saving those kilowatts. Just don't open the door in mid cycle!
WEDNESDAY:
With grocery stores denying customers the pleasure of polluting the environment with plastic bags, we'd thought we take away their paper bags as well. Of course, this leaves the shopper with only two alternatives: either bring your own bags to the grocery store or eat all your groceries on sight. Well, unless you are a total eco-nerd, you're not going to be caught dead bringing in some dirty, stained canvas bag to the grocery store. So Bon Appetit!
Which brings us to the fourth entry. Now, I knew Insult Air™ would have some thoughts on this contest. After all, they lead the world in cost cutting measures -- and this one is a real gem. As we all know, Insult Air™ has been tossing passengers out of the aircraft when the plane is overbooked. Of course, that resulted in two tragic deaths and two people covered in animal poo. (See entry dated May 30, 2008). I guess some genius in Research and Development put two and two together and discovered that, with a little tweaking, this is a great way to end all connecting flights. Take-offs and landings are costly as hell -- if you're going to L.A. from New York, there's no damn sense in stopping in Minneapolis to let all those goofball Minnesotans get off the plane. Toss them out with a parachute! They'll probably pay extra for the experience. Just tell them you'll beat them senseless if they don't return the parachute to the airport the following day. Believe me, they'll comply! The best thing about this idea is that we can now shut down all but the east and west coast airports. Going to Columbus, Ohio? Take the 7:30 from DCA to LAX and jump out after an hour. Heck, you can even call your ride on the airphone* to let him/her know you're about to bail.
*Additional charges may apply. (Actually, they WILL apply and they will be outrageous).
Bon voyage!!!!
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