"The plane left promptly at 7:50 p.m. from New York to Los Angeles. Suddenly, the crew on board realized that the flight was grossly overbooked. Facing a severe shortage of seats and possible FAA sanctions, the head flight attendant had a brainstorm: 'Why not toss the extra passengers out of the airplane?''"
This is just one horrifying vignette included in the runaway bestseller: "What Happened on Flight 1313," an expose penned by former Insult Airlines flight attendant Anita Brane. In her book, Ms. Brane reveals how Insult Air ejected overbooked passengers during mid flight, covered-up an incident in which three passengers were forced to spend a cross country flight in the restroom, and jammed passengers into such close quarters that "a sardine would have suffocated.
"It's not only an honest account of Insult Air, but shows you the direction where other airlines are heading," said Brane, who attended a book signing Thursday at Boredom's Bookstore in Boondocks, Ohio.
Brane chose Boondocks to launch her new book because of its proximity to the location where four Insult Air passengers were found two weeks ago after being ejected in mid flight. Two passengers were killed in the fall but the remaining two miraculously survived when their 35,000 foot drop was broken by landing in a huge tub of cow and horse manure.
"We never intended for that to happen," said Brane. "All four of those idiots were supposed to die. Who cares about them anyway? They were flying Coach, and standby to boot! You can't get any lower than that."
Rather than condemn Insult Air for its inhumane treatment of passengers, Brane lavishes praise on the airline for ensuring that the "line between Coach and First Class" remained "crystal clear."
"When you flew First class, you got three king size beds, 20 bottles of French champagne, a jewelled crown, and a throne made of blue diamonds," said Brane. "When you flew Coach, you got zilch. And that's what you deserved!"
Though Brane makes no apologies for the airline's treatment of Coach passengers, she does reveal some of the techniques that she and others employed to agitate them.
"The funnest part was the boarding," she said. "The scum (Coach passengers) would line up like they thought they were next to get on the plane after First and Business Class. Yeah, right! So we would make up all these other classes, i.e. Platinum card members, V.I.P. members, Elite Flyers, and let them all board in front of them. When we finally couldn't think or any more categories, we let the peasants get on but only after we made sure all the pillows and blankets were gone."
To further agitate Coach passengers, Brane says she would often collect all the airline magazines and take them home, making sure to fill in all the crossword puzzles.
"It took all night but it was worth it. You should have seen this one guy after he grabbed 10 different magazines and every one of the puzzles was filled out. I thought he was going to blow a gasket! And I was responsible!"
Brane's booksigning on Thursday drew a huge crowd. In typical Insult Air fashion, First Class passengers were permitted immediate access to Brane via a red carpet. Coach passengers were made to wait in line for a minimum of four hours.
"When the Coach passengers handed me their copies, I didn't even sign my name. I wrote 'Screw you, idiot' in some of the books. Sometime I just wrote 'loser' when my hand got really tired."
This is just one horrifying vignette included in the runaway bestseller: "What Happened on Flight 1313," an expose penned by former Insult Airlines flight attendant Anita Brane. In her book, Ms. Brane reveals how Insult Air ejected overbooked passengers during mid flight, covered-up an incident in which three passengers were forced to spend a cross country flight in the restroom, and jammed passengers into such close quarters that "a sardine would have suffocated.
"It's not only an honest account of Insult Air, but shows you the direction where other airlines are heading," said Brane, who attended a book signing Thursday at Boredom's Bookstore in Boondocks, Ohio.
Brane chose Boondocks to launch her new book because of its proximity to the location where four Insult Air passengers were found two weeks ago after being ejected in mid flight. Two passengers were killed in the fall but the remaining two miraculously survived when their 35,000 foot drop was broken by landing in a huge tub of cow and horse manure.
"We never intended for that to happen," said Brane. "All four of those idiots were supposed to die. Who cares about them anyway? They were flying Coach, and standby to boot! You can't get any lower than that."
Rather than condemn Insult Air for its inhumane treatment of passengers, Brane lavishes praise on the airline for ensuring that the "line between Coach and First Class" remained "crystal clear."
"When you flew First class, you got three king size beds, 20 bottles of French champagne, a jewelled crown, and a throne made of blue diamonds," said Brane. "When you flew Coach, you got zilch. And that's what you deserved!"
Though Brane makes no apologies for the airline's treatment of Coach passengers, she does reveal some of the techniques that she and others employed to agitate them.
"The funnest part was the boarding," she said. "The scum (Coach passengers) would line up like they thought they were next to get on the plane after First and Business Class. Yeah, right! So we would make up all these other classes, i.e. Platinum card members, V.I.P. members, Elite Flyers, and let them all board in front of them. When we finally couldn't think or any more categories, we let the peasants get on but only after we made sure all the pillows and blankets were gone."
To further agitate Coach passengers, Brane says she would often collect all the airline magazines and take them home, making sure to fill in all the crossword puzzles.
"It took all night but it was worth it. You should have seen this one guy after he grabbed 10 different magazines and every one of the puzzles was filled out. I thought he was going to blow a gasket! And I was responsible!"
Brane's booksigning on Thursday drew a huge crowd. In typical Insult Air fashion, First Class passengers were permitted immediate access to Brane via a red carpet. Coach passengers were made to wait in line for a minimum of four hours.
"When the Coach passengers handed me their copies, I didn't even sign my name. I wrote 'Screw you, idiot' in some of the books. Sometime I just wrote 'loser' when my hand got really tired."
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