Hundreds of passengers aboard Insult Airlines Flight 1069 last night were treated for various respiratory problems and acute nausea after a passenger began eating an unidentified meat-pie thing during mid-flight. Apparently, the fumes from the unidentified food product were so strong that some passengers began vomiting immediately, leaving the flight crew with a severe shortage of airsickness bags.
"It was bloody awful," said Jon Wilbraham, who was flying to New York on a connecting flight to London. "It was enough to put you off your food, if there was any food, which they ain't. The sound of all that retching was just deafening."
Airline officials say a man seated in row eight triggered the event when he unwrapped what witnesses described as a "meat-pie thing with red and yellow goo dripping out of it." The smell of the food item was so pungent that several passengers in the surrounding rows began making "heaving" type noises.
"Originally, I thought the dude was talking about his friends: Ralph and Earl," said one passenger, who asked to remain anonymous. "But he was up-chucking. You know: Raaaaalph....Earrrrrrrrral, get it? That's the sound you make you you barf: Raaaaaaaalph....-....Earrrrrrrrrrrrrl?"
As more and more passengers became ill, the plane was forced to land at a nearby airport. Approximately 70 passengers were treated for respiratory problems at a local hospital. Another 150 were treated for dehydration due to excessive vomiting.
Though many of the passengers lay the blame for the calamity on the individual with the meat-pie, they also point to the fact that the airline's "No free food" policy contributed to the event.
"They could at least give you a little bag of peanuts," said one passenger. "By giving you nothing, they leave themselves open to this happening again and again."
FAA chemists are still trying to identify the food product that caused the event. Some passengers speculated that it might have been some sort of meat pie containing fried eggs and tomato sauce. Others theorized that it was a strange form of hamburger, and the yellow and red goo was actually mustard and ketchup.
"The guy definitely had egg on his face," said Peter Punster, "that's no yoke."
FAA officials say that such occurrences, though not as severe as this one, are not uncommon.
"The airlines are cutting back," said FAA spokesman D. Lay. "People are forced to either starve, or bring their own food aboard."
FAA statistics show that the most common incidents occur when passengers bring anything aboard that comes from McDonald's.
"You got your Big Macs, your Egg McMuffins, your Quarter Pounder with Cheese," said Lay. "All of that stuff is highly odoriferous. The Taco places are also a problem."
Asked if the FAA might seek to ban fast food establishments that sell particularly stinky products, Lay declined comment.
"You have arguments on both sides," Lay said.
Other passengers were less hesitant to express their opinions. Peter Punster, a frequent flier, believes that passengers should be restricted to bringing aboard only fresh fruits and vegetables.
"That's my opinion, but the businesses won't go for it," said Punster. "I mean -- don't they carrot all? I'm sure if the businesses really investigated this issue, something would turnip. Lettuce come to an agreement and we'll make a great pear."
No comments:
Post a Comment