When Ya Gotta Go, Ya Gotta Go Insult Air; Controversial Airline Introduces New "Toilet Class" to Coach-Class Passengers

Leading the airline industry in some of the most ridiculous cost cutting and profit generating innovations ever, Insult Air today unveiled its new "Toilet Class" seating option. Pending approval by the FAA, Insult Air will start assigning passengers to seats in the Coach-Class restroom, where they must watch fellow passengers take care of personal business.

"It's more entertaining than the movies we offer," said Hugh Kares, Insult Air Spokesman.

If the new seating diagrams are approved, Insult Air will add 200 additional seats to each of its aircraft. The airline already won approval to remove each row of three seats and replace them with a row of five. The additional "Toilet Class" seats will add another ten seats, depending on the size of the aircraft's restroom.

The seats, known as "Pre-Positioned Omnibus Overbooking Prevention Seats" or POOPS, will be affixed around the restroom's single commode. The airline hopes this will discourage excessive use of the aircraft's facilities and promote social networking.

"Finally, we are making use of every available space in the aircraft," said Kares. "Oh, wait a minute, I forgot about the overhead bin. Ok, one thing at a time."

Yesterday, Insult Air permitted reporters to accompany passengers on one of its test flights during which it introduced the new line of POOPS. Passengers assigned to the new seats had mixed reactions.

"It's totally gnarley in there," said one passenger, identified only as "Dude." According to Dude, approximately 400 passengers used the facility during the five hour flight.

"Dude, you don't want to know what kind of stuff I saw. I'm like traumatized, Dude. Dude!"

Dude's friend was less critical of the POOPS initiative.

"I have no sense of smell so it wasn't too harsh," said Stone de Ghen. "But then we hit some fierce turbulance and dudes started bustin' in here blowing chunks. That was definitely gee-nasty!"

According to Kares, the addition of POOPS will also allow the airline to improve its First Class service.

"With more people stuffed in coach, we can let our First Class passengers spread out a little bit. Currently, we offer a queen size bed on trans-continental flights. We'd like to increase that so each passenger gets a king size bed with a complimentary bottle of Dom Perignon. Oh, I almost forgot, they also get a throne made out of blue diamonds."

[Pictured above: "Dude" and Stone de Ghen chillin' POOPStyle on yesterday's flight from San Francisco to Amsterdam]